No one is more aware than I of the problems with the term "swinging." In fact, in Together Sex, I devote much of one chapter to detailing what is wrong with the term and how it has been abused by the press, researchers, and the industry itself. These troubles have led many well-intentioned people to employ the term "lifestyle" as a replacement for "swinging." Unfortunately, it seems to me that this cure is worse than the disease.

Confusing

The word "lifestyle" is simply a parameter (something that can vary) like "temperature" or "quality". When an advertisement proclaims the availability of "quality" merchandise, we are left to assume that it means "high" quality, as opposed to "low" or "mediocre" quality — a safe assumption given the context. But when someone talks of "the lifestyle" they could well mean the gay lifestyle, or the bisexual lifestyle, or the polyamorous lifestyle, or the Christian lifestyle — and they often do. Thus, the term "lifestyle" by itself is an empty concept that leads to confusion and begs for misinterpretation.

And, yes, the term "swing" has other meanings too. But, in context, it is universally understood to refer to our particular lifestyle.

Conceited

For swingers to appropriate the unadorned "lifestyle" for themselves, and expect everyone to know what we mean, is pretentious; not to mention insulting to followers of all the other lifestyles.

Clumsy

Consider:

"I believe in SWINGING so I am a SWINGER who SWINGS."

Okay, now try:

"I believe in LIFESTYLING so I am a LIFESTYLER who LIFESTYLES."

Just rolls off the tongue, doesn't it?

Well, how about:

"I believe in THE LIFESTYLE, so I am a member of THE LIFESTYLE who participates in LIFESTYLE activities."

Sounds like an inscription on the tower of Babel!

Degrading

When someone applies for an official name change, the first thing the judge wants to know is "why?". Are they trying to hide a criminal past? Are they plotting some nefarious scam? People who try to deny their past are always suspected of being ashamed of it. We should hardly be surprised, then, when the popular media imply that "the lifestyle" is an attempt to put an acceptable face on an unacceptable practice.

In Summary

If you want to talk to me about "our lifestyle" or to outsiders about "the swinging lifestyle" all well and good. But, until someone comes up with a better term, please call me a "swinger."

I'm damn proud to answer to that name.

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