Dear Ed and Dana,

Thanks very much for your intelligent Swinging Lifestyle site.

I've long felt it's a shame (and a bit sad) that there isn't more open acknowledgment for (and celebration of) bisexuality in BOTH men and women within the swinging community. I feel there are lots of couples who are quite interested in bi-sex exploration (men with men and women with women in mixed gender environment), but the sad fact is they aren't given the permission to do it in the swinging world.

I've explored my sexuality fully — I'm a man who definitely prefers women, but I've discovered that being with another man sexually can be very liberating, exciting, joyous, compassionate, hot, and fun. I think many men, especially as they get a little older and more mature within themselves, come to feel some bisexual openness — this has definitely been the case for me and it feels quite nice and very natural. It's especially nice to express this side of myself with women as well as men (by no means do I wish to EXCLUDE women with my bisexuality).

I know many women who have expressed that they fantasize about watching two men make love. I feel it's very empowering FOR WOMEN to experience male bisexual expression. Women might even feel more comfortable with their own bisexual side if the men in the life could only be open and comfortable with their own bisexuality. It's a two-way street, IMHO.

Does your book, Together Sex, discuss bisexual swinging at all? Perhaps it's only a matter of time before "BOTH Bisexual" becomes more accepted in swinging.… I certainly hope so.

Anyway, many thanks again for the informative approach to your web presence. I'd be happy to hear back from you on your thoughts, ideas, suggestions and experiences around this topic.

Sincerely, "P" in California

Dear "P,"

Although the only question your letter asks directly is "Does Together Sex, discuss bisexual swinging?" we must infer an underlying question — one that is definitely of wide interest in the swinging life: "Should there be more tolerance and acceptance of male bisexuality in swinging?"

As anyone who has read much of the swinging "literature" knows, female bisexuality is universally accepted and generally encouraged, while male bisexuality is not. And that, of course, is a serious understatement. Time and again, seemingly rational folk will expound on the virtues of sexual freedom, the joys of sexual variety, and the stupidity of society's puritanical mores and, in the next breath, blithely and unequivocally condemn any sexual interaction between males.

In twenty-some years of research on swinging, we have never seen or heard male bisexuality mentioned except as something that "just isn't done." Yet, in those same years, we have often observed that it is, indeed, done — and not all that rarely, either. Our best guess is that at least 20 percent of male swingers have participated in bisexual, or at least bi-playful, interactions at one time or another. This rate is hardly on a par with female bisexual activities, but it certainly shows that the common perception is a myth.

In light of the epidemic of homophobia in our culture, 20 percent is a remarkably high proportion. If men's natural sexual tendencies were allowed the same freedom as women's, we would surely see a rate of bisexual activity in swinging more equivalent to that of females. Would this be a good thing? Well, if it were natural, healthy, and pleasurable, of course it would be a good thing!

Will it happen? As more women decide that male bi-playfulness doesn't lessen their mate's masculinity, is only fair, and might be fun, it is beginning to happen. But don't hold your breath.

As for coverage of this topic in our books, Together Sex has a section on the need for tolerance and openness in all sexual matters and Considering Swinging briefly discusses the proportions of bisexual and bi-playful interactions.

Stay Playful,
Ed and Dana