11/31/03

Dear Ed and Dana.

My husband and I recently returned from a business trip/vacation where a few of my husbands co-workers also brought their wives. We really hit it off with one of the other couples - where towards the end of the week, it was flirtatious between the other husband and me - at which point I was more aware of actions and comments that could be indicators of testing the waters for other interests.
     Although my husband and I have discussed it, we have not participated in swinging - so our experience and exposure is nil.
     Are there "pick up lines", or the like, that are indicators? I don't want to jeopardize the relationship by approaching the subject directly, if I'm reading more into it.
     One of the nights, all of our coats ended up in our hotel room for the four of us to get together after we left the hotel bar for the night.
     During one of the evening conversations, mostly out of the blue, the wife asked me if I had seen a movie where two neighbors had switched houses - husbands - and one had been accused of the murder of one of the wives.

Thanks in advance
JC
 

Dear JC,

We see three possibilities here, your new friends could be: (1) Clueless, with no real interest in actually having sex with you. (2) Experienced swingers cautiously checking you out. (3) Curious novices, just as uncertain as you are.
     If possibility number two is the case, then you don’t really need to do anything – just sit back and watch their technique. If possibility number one is the case, then you don’t really want to do anything – you’d only be asking for trouble. Possibility number three is a case of the blind leading the blind – it could work out to everyone’s satisfaction, but such an outcome is doubtful.
     We think swinging is great, and we realize that some people become swingers via encounters with inexperienced friends. But, we also believe that many would-be swingers (or could-be swingers) are disenchanted with their initial encounters and never try again. Therefore, we recommend that you first get involved with, enjoy, and learn from, those who already are enjoying the swinging scene. Then, you will be in a much better position to handle novices.
     Should you decide to ignore the above advice, the best technique we know of to determine the interests of another couple is to leave a copy of Considering Swinging where they will see it. Tell them someone gave it to you and you found it “interesting.” Ask for their opinion. You can take it from there.

Stay Playful,
Ed and Dana