3/7/02

Dear Ed and Dana,

     My husband and I have a very satisfying sex life. He has indicated that he would sometime like to try having sex with other people. I have come to embrace this idea as well.
      My question is, there is a couple we know (we all get along good, but are not 'close friends') who I would really like to try our first experience with. But as we have no idea if they swing, how would we discreetly go about determining if this is something they too are interested in, without revealing enough to damage the relationship if it's never crossed their mind?

Thanks,
'Hopeful in Seattle'

Dear "Hopeful",

     Your question is easily answered, but with a major caveat.
     To find out if a couple is interested in swinging, obtain a copy of our booklet, Considering Swinging, give it to them (or leave it laying around where they are bound to see it). Ask them what they think about it (you can say that "some friends" gave it to you and you thought it was "interesting," or "a trip," or even "shocking." [Considering Swinging was designed to introduce folks to the lifestyle and help them determine if they might enjoy such activities.] Of course, it's a good idea to read it yourselves first.
      Should it turn out that your friends already are experienced swingers, a wonderful new world awaits you — enjoy, enjoy! If they are totally turned-off by the idea, simply say you were "just wondering about it" and keep your relationship on a nonphysical level.
      However, if they are new but receptive to the idea, we must warn you that starting your swinging life with an inexperienced couple can be risky.
      Every couple has to get through an adjustment period when they start opening up their marriage to sexual play with others. Finding experienced, compatible couples to guide and support you is the wisest course. Once you've achieved a sense of the variety of experience available to you and gotten a good understanding of what each of you wants, then you will be in a much better position to successfully recruit others.
      Unfortunately, we know many swingers who tell how they almost didn't continue in the lifestyle after a harrowing initial experience with "friends." Who knows how many others didn't recover to tell us their tale?

Please let us know how things work out.

Playfully yours,
Ed and Dana