TM

Last Updated August 2007

Ways to Meet Swingers

Swinging, by definition, cannot be done in isolation. So, the key prerequisite is finding, meeting, and getting to know other swingers. Once you know a few, meeting other couples should be easy because swinging is primarily a network activity and swingers are usually looking to expand their contacts by introducing the new to the veteran and by encouraging people to bring fresh faces to their social events. But, if you know no one, you are going to have to summon the courage to initiate contact on your own.

It may seem less intimidating to get started by correspondence, but, sooner or later, you'll have to face that first personal encounter anyway, so we recommend going directly to a gathering place such as a swinger's bar, club, or dance. There will be less pressure, more options, and you won't waste an evening trying to shake someone who wrote you a bunch of fabrications. And, don't just go once; there will probably be different people in attendance at different times.

For those who can't find clubs nearby (or can't find people they like at the clubs) or are simply looking for a new experience, there are numerous sites on the Internet where you can place and answer ads to find compatible couples. One advantage of these services is the possibility of finding partyers who live in locations you are planning to visit; thus making travel a lot more fun. We offer some advice on creating effective ads here.

Contact/Ad Sites on the Web

It is virtually impossible to say how many swinger-ad sites there are on the Internet because they come and go so frequently. Certainly, there are more than any one person could review, and we aren't claiming that those listed here are "the best" of all available at a given moment. We have examined many of the most prominent sites, however, and we list below those that best meet our criteria.

Quantity vs. Quality
Many sites claim vast membership, and it does seem reasonable that the more ads listed the better the chances of finding compatible couples. Be aware, however, that quantity is not the same as quality. Some sites, as well as some printed magazines, have been known to inflate the number of ads by retaining ads past their expiration dates, inserting fictitious ads, or other devious practices. We have no evidence that any particular site has done this, but it's something to keep in mind when evaluating your own experiences.
      Anyway, how many ads a site carries isn't nearly as important as how attractive the site is to the sort of folks you seek. A million ads from single guys looking to get laid would only get in your way if you're a couple seeking other couples. Also, if the site is so blatant, sexist, or just plain ugly that you feel embarrassed to be there, what sort of people are you likely to find?

Swinging Is Sharing
Finally, if you have especially good or bad experiences with a site (listed here or not) please let us know so that we can share the info with the rest of our community.

Recognition Jewelry
A number of innovative minds have come up with ways that swingers can recognize each other when not at clubs and parties. The classiest of these is SwappWatch, which features fine-quality watches for him and her with a subtle recognition symbol.

Recommended Swingers' Contact Sites

Usually, the best approach is to sign up for the free membership with several of these services. After a month or two it should be obvious which ones are most likely to meet your needs and are worth upgrading.

Adult Friend Finder
Our most popular site, very well designed. Largest membership of any site we know."Cupid" service will send you an e-mail when people join who meet your preferences. Moderate-length preference form. Cost is $19.95 to $29.95 per month depending on features. Automatic renewal can be turned off. Free service has limited capabilities. Worldwide coverage. Check it out.

Senior Friend Finder
This site may be just the ticket for swingers who are more experienced or mature. Those over the age of 45 or so are sometimes hesitant to place their ad and photo on a site full of svelte young bodies, so you are likely to find many fine folks here that aren't on other sites. As you can tell from the name, this site is operated by the same company as Adult Friend Finder. It is not aimed specifically at swingers, but we have noted many ads from fine-looking "hot couples" seeking same. Check it out.

For those seeking something special: Alt.com
To show the variety of interests of folks on this site, here are the items (some we've never heard of) on their Search List: "ass play, ben wa balls, blindfolds, bondage, branding, breast torture, caging, candle wax, chastity devices, chains, cling film, cock and ball torture, collar and lead, cross-dressing, diaper fetishes, discipline, dildos, domination, douching/enema, exhibitionism, electrotorture, feathers, fisting, gangbangs, handcuffs/shackles, hair pulling, high heels, lace, latex, leather, masks, masochism, masturbation, nipples, nurse/doctor, oral fixation, paddling/spanking, piercings, power exchange, the rack, religious, shoes or boots, rimming, roleplaying, rubber, sadism, scent, shit play, slave/master, tongue fetish, toys, watersports, vibrators, voyeurism, and whips." What more can we say?

U.K. Swinger Site
Swinger-Personals is a great site for our friends in the United Kingdom,— the home of many thousands of playful couples.

Love Voodoo
Love Voodoo has everything. A site that is run by true swingers and technically top-notch at the same time. And only $11.95 per month basic rate. The contests and photos are especially hot.
Check it Out!

Erotic City
This used to be called SwapperNet, a name we didn't care for so we're glad they're changing it. The site itself is palatable, relatively inexpensive, and seems to function well. One month free trial, can view pictures for first two days. Very basic design, but good upfront data on membership and current usage. Extra-long preference form. Accepts most credit cards, plus web-phone and virtual checks. Does not automatically renew. North America only. Check it out..

Lifestyle Lounge
Lifestyle Lounge was created by a swinging couple who were dissatisfied with the other sites they'd tried. They have created a nice looking site with every feature imaginable — and some we could never have imagined. The security features are especially noteworthy, so if you're looking for real couples and don't like being bothered by "single" men and other fakes, this site may be the answer to your prayers. Cost is $17.95 per month, with discounts for longer terms. First 8 days are free. Check it out

[Note: Virtually all contact sites (including some listed above) pay a small percentage of fees to affiliates for referring new members. So, if and when you join one of these, please access it by the link here and help support The Swinging Life. Once you join, you may link directly to the site without coming here. The referral fee does not affect your cost and was not considered in our selection process.]

Writing Effective Ads

If you want to maximize the effectiveness of your ads (and your responses to other people's ads), we urge you to read the in-depth treatment of the subject in our book, Together Sex. While waiting for that to be delivered, remember these key points:

1. Include a recent, well-lighted, tasteful picture of both of you (or one of each of you) that clearly reveals your physiques. Dress as you would to go on a date or to a party. Any deception here will be totally self-defeating.
2. Describe your personality by saying what you enjoy doing for entertainment, hobbies, tastes in movies, books, sports, music, etc. Do not waste time describing your bodies or saying how attractive you are — you'll probably sound conceited, no one will believe you, and that's what the picture is for. Besides, everyone has a different idea of what is "attractive."
3. Request a photo (as in point 1) from respondents. If they don't send one, you are under no obligation to answer.
4. Don't place any restrictions or limitations that are not absolutely necessary. Screening for race, age, experience, sexual style, etc. is only likely to deter people you really want to meet. (The decrepit and bizarre ones will pester you anyway.) Besides, as you grow in swinging, your horizons will broaden and your tastes will change, so don't typecast people and limit your experiences before you've even seen a photo.

Criteria We Used In Selection

For those who are interested, here are the four criteria we employed in selecting sites for recommendation.

Approach — Sincere and respectful vs. blatant and leering. Do the operators seem to be trying to help swingers or only to maximize their profits? Do the preference forms emphasize attributes over personality so that one feels like a product on a supermarket shelf? Do overly precise criteria encourage self-defeating restrictions?

Credibility — Does it claim to be free when it really isn't? Are recurring credit-card charges obvious or optional? Does the site seem to have a good grasp of what swinging is all about, or is it really just a front for porno sites?

Ease of evaluation — To what extent can you view current ads or test the system before coughing up the dough? How simple is it to understand what is offered and how it works?

Functionality — Does the service perform as promised? Are preference criteria actually followed? Are sorts done accurately? Is it easy and comfortable to use? Is the user subjected to numerous pop-up consoles, flashing banners for porno, or other irritating devices?